I'm taking a study break. Been watching the tarotscopes and studying the styles of the readers. One is making me crack up with her delivery, very upbeat and enthusiastic, and then her voice lulls and I like how she speaks to the viewer. I like she uses different decks and the layouts. Her background I like and she's giving me ideas.
I'm taking some of my decks but not as many as last time. I also want to take my book on palmistry which is reading palms. I figure most that need repairs could use words of encouragement from their Guardian Angels but also food for thought they will listen to when I touch on what they have been dealing with and what they have been contemplating.
I've given some major heads up last time such as predicting an ex-girlfriend of a Palero Priest paying for a psychic hit man to put a whammy on him to control him since she was bitter he finally left her for the last time. I also touched on his life purpose which said he was called to be a Spiritual Leader which is how I learned he was a Palero that has felt the call to pick back up the discipline. I also got he's called to be a writer and turns out he's been working on a book.
But the psychic in me keeps being pulled towards the energy of someone I'm meant to know and I'm sure they'll be on my mind when I go to unplug. I hope being put on a nicotine patch will induce a dream vision while I'm within the walls of sanctuary that is blessed as a hospital. Basically, it's hallowed ground. It may be about them but it's all about how I feel that my dream will be a manifestation of it with cryptic symbolism to research for the message that is psychic.
I feel like in the beginning is to guide them through how they feel about what's going on in their life, and get explanations for his past behavior and those of others through a spiritual perspective. And then I sense I'll be answering some deep questions for them.
And I just had a mental image of helping them write letters to others that have affected them by speaking up for themselves where I sense they have suppressed, mainly from not knowing how to express themselves when it comes to their feelings.
Like contacting those that hurt them to tell them their actions hurt and traumatized them to the point of possibly being stunted which would explain why the Universe would put me in their path to help them figure out the words that would get off his chest what he held back with them as well as finding closure so they can move on.
With the ex-girlfriend, actually, I saw two that he needs to communicate with to tell them he forgives them and thanks them for helping him find himself as he discovered why it wasn't meant to work with them, and that he forgives himself for being angry and possibly reactive with them, making the situation worse. And that he gives them his blessings to be happy without him as part of their lives and wishes they meet the right persons to be better paired with.
The most recent one I sense is stalking and would stalk me if there's evidence of our connection which I only see is if he posts couples pictures of us public to where let's say here on Facebook. She could be easily blocked just as it's easy to open up an alias account that wouldn't be blocked. There's no profile views tracker or an option to see who were the last 4 to view your profile like it was on MySpace.
If he's still immature when it comes to her being a sore spot, then he would know all it would take to set her off is to see a lovey-dovey picture of us, especially where I'm glamorous with a friggen flower in my hair.
I also picked up more stuff about her where I'm like, yeah he needs to very calmly and maturely break it down to her Barney style of WHY he's not biting with what I sense was her trying to convince him she's changed or would change, and isn't accepting no for an answer.
I sense she's not seeing she's a self-entitled type that doesn't handle rejection well, especially if I got she's a sugar baby diva. I picked up something disturbing that if it's true, then I'll be helping him mend bridges with who it does matter with.
I picked up this chick wasn't anywhere near ideal stepmother material to his child(ren). I picked up she's like many divas that throw a fit when it comes to visitation with their mate's child(ren) taking attention away from them that are selfish and very much self-centered.
As a stepmother still to my stepson I didn't divorce and his mother thanks me for always including him and standing up for him when our ex was showing he's just a straight up babydaddy with no redemption. I never prevented him from seeing his child. I tried getting him to stop listening to the song "Cat's in The Cradle' and not do something about it over creating a self-made prophecy.
He just ran away from his child literally by enlisting in the Navy, leaving his Catholic fiancee at the altar that needed special permission to baptize her child born out of wedlock. He painted her up as a psycho and him as the victim I questioned was telling anything near the truth until it got confirmed by witnessing it myself.
On the other hand, my readings got the ex I feel I'll be dealing with for coming at me too, isn't above preventing a father from seeing their child. And if he's lonely with low self-esteem that easily gets manipulated from desperation to be loved by a woman to make up for the first that broke his heart and created the environment that had him take the really long way home, he would let it fly and if he used to co-parent well, his loneliness and desperation turned him into his child's mother's 'babydaddy'.
Folks can make mistakes that they learn from, especially if not in a good place that nurtures healing and serenity. If I'm correct, I'll step up for the child(ren) I want to love as my own as I hope he'd love mine including my stepson half-brother to my youngest, as his.
I want him to have a positive relationship with their mother that he would lose coolness points if he ever tries to paint her up as his 'irrational', 'unjust', 'unfair', 'bitter', 'controlling' 'babymama', he's scapegoating. I don't feel that will be the case though. I actually sense the mother of their child(ren) is a fair woman and if I'm correct in my readings, she had every right to be angry if a woman came before her child(ren) with him, which is not right or acceptable.
I feel if this did happen, then it's admitting they were wrong to the mother of his child(ren) for not showing the commitment to them and had thought about it as they also addressed where it stemmed from; which my gut is saying it's because of the mother of his child(ren) and how their relationship ended.
This means he defends himself as a parent affected by the other parents actions and it's being clear to themselves as they explain to them, if they never broke up, him being her 'babydaddy' wouldn't be an issue, because I'm sensing the same "mommy issues" that may have been cited for his codependency, were what attracted the maternal instinct in the woman that eventually would become mother of his child(ren).
In my eyes according to what I read with the help of my Gitana Spirit Guide, we both agree it's time for repairs over pointing fingers because it's not about who's right or wrong but about who will suffer next. Their child(ren) need to feel loved by both parents and to know they can see them each even if not living together as a family anymore.
They are still part of their child(ren)'s family and if they couldn't make it as a couple, then the best they can hope for is working well together to raise their offspring as very happy and well-adjusted child(ren).
And I sense it's going to make the difference if the mother of his child(ren) met me first before introducing me to their child if they feel I'd be the best choice when it comes to asking who to love them with their child(ren) and their mother. I want us to be friends and her trust I would be a positive influence on her child(ren)'s life/lives.
I want to reassure her I will back her up like I still back up my stepson's mom and won't have to deal with the father of her child(ren) being absent if I can do anything about it, mainly by not throwing a conniption I sensed the latest ex did as the bad person my cards and pendulum say she's been.
She may change in the future but her character the Universe is describing to me as very poor and misguided. If he's got a daughter, it's important she has a loving relationship with him or she can be set up with "daddy" issues that can get her in trouble and statistics show girls without their father are at higher risk of suicide than girls who do have a father they now love and is committed to them.
I want to be welcomed to their child(ren)'s wedding(s) and be able to enjoy being step-grandmother to their children, especially if for some beautiful miracle we're blessed with a child of our own.
If my readings are correct and my true romantic and I died tragically before having a child together that I got was part of the reason that killed them when I died in combat, possibly leaving her(him) my widow; it would be natural to want to have a child together.
Being I didn't get to raise my children because my disability of bipolar disorder used against me to paint me as unfit to be loved by my children by their controlling fathers that the first was bitter I left him for the last time after raping me. And the second wants to avoid paying child support that is more sinister than the first; that is also a sociopath narcissist with suicidal tendencies that is such a mess it's already predicted it's not going to end well for him after he kills himself.
He's already been marked by a Hell Hound that is a paranormal phenomenon of a mystical creature most likely associated with the Greek Goddess Hecate that is about empowerment and protection of women and children; where Hell Hounds are deployed to protect them psychically while also sent in to stalk the wicked in their nightmares to drive them towards madness and will bring them in for sentencing for a prison sentence in Hell or for soul euthanasia. Crazy huh?
Anyway, the thought a woman would try to compete with the children of her mate making irrational demands of ultimatums of it's either her or his kids is enough to want to set her straight but it's her life to figure out. And a man letting that fly needs help breaking free from that relationship if his loneliness and low self-esteem chose such a horrible person to share their free time with. I mean, where will it stop?
It's common for controlling types such as my second husband, to manipulate things to where the passive mate is cut off from their family as well as old friends to better control them without opposition calling them out on their bullsheeit.
I may see in my readings there's a deep-seated issue with the mother of potential future mate, but I would much rather they heal as mother and child because if by the loving Mercy of God Mother and Father in Heaven wanting us to have a child together, I want our child to know and feel loved by both their grandmothers.
I'm pretty assertive when it matters and I try to see the good in people and not judge unless my psychic radar lights up where I get the message loud and clear not to trust someone's character, such as with this chick ex I'm picking up pulled quite the number on him that I don't like her as a parent and gentlewoman that believes in equality for males and will defend males as a feminist as I hope I meet a man that isn't sexist and believes equality matters, along with respect and consideration.
I haven't been turned off by someone to this degree in a long time. The most recent one before what I'm picking up is a raging b*tch that's got a hair-trigger flip switch when she doesn't get her way and is vicious, and I mean VICIOUS like she hates her reflection in the mirror so everybody else has to suffer for her inadequacies she's aware of deep down but ignores over trying to consciously deal with them; was an arrogant med-student at the psych hospital I go to when I'm in need of a schedule tune-up from stress keeping me manic through the night, back in 2011. So that means it took 7 years to feel this way again which says a lot.
What set me off with her was overhearing her trying to get another patient to agree with her that her friend was "stupid for ruining her life because she got pregnant" going into promoting her having an abortion since her unborn child was a 'problem' to get "rid' of. I'm not sure what compelled her to want to become a doctor with that horrible view towards the life of her friend trusting her with the news, probably seeking her support, but the b*tch's issues with pregnancy instead are calling her "stupid" when she's already vulnerable.
The one previous to that was my Monster-In-Law mother to my son's father that is the epitome of the diva side of typical Leo females. Now she's got issues that I wasn't the only one that knows her called her out on, and they saw through her son's bullsheeit story and are supportive of my reunification with our son.
His mother will make demands of visitation when my son's father is stripped of his paternal rights, not just full custody after I prove he corrupted the legal system on both the military and civil end, and he's got more than fines and paying back money to worry about.
As my son's guardian, I don't have to accept her demands and if she harasses us once my son comes live with me, I'll put a restraining order on her and the rest of my son's father's family involved in his parental alienation of me and alienation of my stepson that never wronged them like I never wronged them either but they sure wronged us all.
The rest including my son's father's father may cower with her raging b*tch barking and he was a Marine, but I'm an East Los Mexican American not trying to pass off as "white" and part of the "gentry" like her that's only a Latina when it's convenient and her "Mexican" food shows it which isn't being petty. She didn't take interest in being Mexican while trying to pass off as Irish of her father's last name while rejecting her mother's.
When I bite, I do it because it was the last option, but I will be swift and honorable to not stoop to their level. For now, I got to focus on getting better to raise the money I need to hire a particular civilian lawyer that was a military JAG officer that can explain exactly how my son's father manipulated the system meant to protect my child and me.
And then guide me through the process of getting him investigated by the Department of Defense for base allowance for housing fraud and instigating dissidence to prevent me from reporting him to his command by intercepting my calls for help. It's possible that not only will his 'honorable' discharge be revoked and he'll have to pay back his pension benefits and lose his Tricare for life medical insurance, others that assisted him will be investigated as well and have their 'honorable' discharges and pension benefits put at risk.
Then all the names that will come out on public record and how I plan to contact the chamber of commerce of his hometown to report the investigation findings showing he is no "hometown hero", and reporting our story to the news media about contacting the chamber of commerce and the dark side of war veterans that shouldn't be given special treatment and courtesies when they corrupt the legal system meant to protect their dependents from them.
I think it would be seen as me being vindictive but I will be exonerated with the truth and the shame his life has been will be split open and all his secrets I'll expose since I'm the last person to ask for any favors. So in other words, I know a douche a**hole when I see one as I also see females can be just as douchey as males.
I'm an equal opportunity observer.
Now going back to sensing homegirl is stalking him as my cards backed it up, she needs to have things laid out for her of what his and my boundaries are and state upfront I may be a psychic pacifist but not passive and we reported her to my patrons that can block her path and put her in the karmic jail she got herself in with her selfish behavior.
And she will have obstacles placed on her path that may affect her financially, romantically, medically and mentally where if she doesn't back off, the Gods will deal with her until she gets it through her petty little head to cut her losses and move on because having possibly her career affected that can lead to her losing her home, her car if she has one, her savings if she had any, her ability to afford to feed herself, her friends if she has any that tolerated her would drop her, her stressing out would affect her appearance to where her vanity would mess with her ego and if she's the alcoholic not in recovery my readings picked up on, she'll really crawl in to the bottle and age herself in dog years.
If she already has issues with depression the drinking would make them worse and she could go suicidal from her brain chemistry going unbalanced. If she refuses to get herself help as she is the only one that can save her because even Jesus would agree she needs to grow up spiritually since I sense she claims she's Christian but doesn't walk the walk if she's as bad as my readings and intuition picked up on.
She may need to hit rock bottom to understand the cosmic irony of poetic justice when she incurred her negative karma that isn't a curse that used dark magic summoning demons to do the dirty work. It's poetic irony because I sense she used him starting over and being temporarily poor since I got his finances aren't currently ideal to get in his head when she dumped him to be a sugar baby diva. It's a case of "what goes around comes around."
But it just occurred to me she has a few demon parasites on her already. I sense she's got one for alcoholism, one of vanity, one of rage, and the quiet but deadliest is the depression one waiting for her to slip. If she's in karmic jail by her own actions the Gods had to agree were bad enough to merit the learning experiences they can send to challenge her to inspire her to mature and grow the f*ck up, then it was "letting go and Letting God' because all the Gods answer to the Source that is The Creators God Mother and God Father.
There is nothing vicious on our parts, it's spiritually dealing with someone that I don't trust would know to chill unless made to by a force she cannot see or manipulate as I picked up she's been like this all her life from her bad behavior rewarded making me wonder if she was a "daddy's princesseth" that spoiled her rotten or got it from her mother or both.
I haven't checked if it would get that far, but if it does, she may see she was unjust to my future beau that she ripped him a new one that may have had him contemplate giving up his life which would really not be appreciated by the Gods in charge of karma.
God Mother and Father still love her as Jesus will, but they have the self-discipline to know sometimes tough love is the only way to get someone to stop being a mess and pick themselves up and heal their issues over ignoring them.
But if we run into her and she thinks she needs to approach us to talk to him, it's up to him if he wants to talk with her, but she starts up with me especially that never wronged her even when reporting her to my patrons if I felt it would be best for his safety since if she has a violent streak, she could try something rash, maybe going as far as putting a psychic hit on him to 'love her or else' 'love' imposition spell that's a form of psychic rape.
I still would do a cleansing and karmic tie breaking if he's open to it to get off him her and other toxic residual energy that lingered on his soul. But with her I wouldn't ask for anything bad on his behalf because it goes against my oath of ethics, but ask she see he's not worth clinging to and not move on for her sake, and heal herself, especially her alcoholism; and do some soul searching to learn to love herself first for real, not the illusion I feel she fools herself with as actually happy if she's trying to hook back up with the same person she rejected from what I got was because he's not rich and 'successful' in her eyes.
But I still think I need to show her if she gets in his face I'll defend him because if he defends himself if she assaults him, he's seen as the one that assaulted her; and I wouldn't pass it by her if she's got the poor character I picked up on would be vicious, vindictive, spiteful and generally a pain in the neck others want to choke hers from how much she's full of p*ss and vinegar when she doesn't get her way or the final say.
I know how to take a b*tch hit, but when I hit a b*tch, it's all my female Ancestors and Assigned Spirit Guides bringing out my DNA and Soul Memory, plus their coaching to go East Los with my inner chola.
Being I have been a male warrior a few lifetimes as well and I got a lot of dead soldiers from many different war theaters that sympathized with how folks kept picking on me, and I'm their living champion to help out suicidal war vets either by preventing their suicides or advocating for them after they succeed in ending their lives, by finding a way to cross them over if their souls are too traumatized to move on; as well as trying to get the information out to those in combat to bring back American G.I.'s stuck in limbo, to cross them over there or get them to attach to bring them back to the states and try again here; they would put the added oomph in my fists when I go boxer on her diva a** too.
Just looking at me you could tell I have arms for boxing whether I'm training or not, it's just how my arms are cut. I also have a 'Latina look of death' that's got more angry Zapoteca than Revolutionist French and Spanish Inquisition Baby Survivor combined. I don't know if I can actually pull her heart out still beating, but I may try to just to see if I can.
Okies, I was going for affect, just f*cking with y'all! But that would be cool line to use on someone you get farther by being intimidating with your words over following up on a promise of two hits. Me hitting them and them hitting the floor. But if someone doesn't know me but sees my look, they would probably believe me. And someone that does know me knows it's the truth when it's justified.
Usually its looking right through them where they see it in my eyes not flinching. Or leading them to my honest review where it's the psychic in me, not my ego that got passed any annoyance, but I have the OCD to turn it into a point and run with it. Some chick the Universe was adamant I investigate where I listed myself for online dating turns out is the prime suspect. So I may have seen the face of the woman that doesn't need to see my face to prove a point.
But if she does find out who I am, the rules of engagement requires a warning shot, so he should advise her before finding out about me by chance, there's a lot of love felt for me up in Heaven that have a quick turn around checking who they must. If that isn't enough to make sense to them, it's not like he didn't warn them to stay away for the sake of their sanity.
Not because I'm defending some claim on him but because she got in his face knowing men are automatically judged at fault and she comes off as the type that would milk sympathy towards females and have law enforcement to her dirty work for her. So basically out of principle, I would go primal on her with the spiritual backing to make each hit count, and I know to let her at least spit in my face first or knowing a drunk diva, throw her drink at me first so it would be triggered self-defense.
And since that would lead into me set off manic, I'll tell the cops I'm in distress and need to go to the psych hospital to be medicated and put in observation either as under self-check in or under 5150 which I got that medical code tattooed on my arm. Them running a background check on me would show I'm an established psych case that would be pushed to their limits and need help calming down.
At worst I'm in lock down for a bit roughing it, it's no big thang, but I'll make sure to charge her with assault when I get out and sue her for emotional damages to show what kind of b*tch I am when I got an honorable cause, and folks still like me afterward.
Hopefully scaring her with saying she's been reported to the Gods of karma and she pushes, karma will push back, and there is an interest exchange rate that follows the principle of Trinity, so she backs off better for her. She insists, everything she did to him that affected him and if she jumped up his a** over his child(ren) taking attention away from her, gets reversed on her at least three-fold.
But I'm sensing she's got other karmic crimes on her, so she's facing cosmic irony and poetic justice already for that alone, but add my petition to get her to back off him for justified reasons; she stands to love everything as her treatment towards him could have potentially taken his child(ren)'s father away from them.
There is no sympathy for the wicked that have no sympathy to who they punk without mercy, drunk on power to where I'm too punxrock for this skeeze to let it slide without delivering my Rebel Yell to protect who I couldn't and probably had to watch as a Spirit them killing themselves and feeling their heartbreak and my own intensely on the soul level.
So no, I am not in the mood to be nice with her. I won't be ruthless though Uriel the Archangel is known to be and pitiless as a demon when someone messes up royally. I roll with him and other Angels so it's allowed when someone earned their wrath. Mine is, getting it through she owes him an apology which includes getting themselves the help they need to evolve past this or they will never change and can do it again. What will be their excuse then?
I'm honestly wondering what he would think of the degree I'm willing to defend him from his abusers I'm sensing he's never had anyone stick up for him, and he's had to deal with a lot alone, starting at a young age. And if he went punk rocker like me as must greasers started off as, chances are he rebelled for the sake of his sanity but he got mixed up with teen culture trying to grow up too fast and may have found the beginning of a lifelong struggle to remain sober hanging out with the other teen drunks thinking they have to be loaded to have fun.
On one hand, it may be touching he's got the emotional backup he didn't have for a long time but on the other, it may be too scary of an extreme to trust won't wound him too if he feels he'd automatically cross the line by default because he's got that screwed up of a view of himself others put in his head.
I don't sense he's as big of a f*ck up as he's been made out to feel by way too many women where I see the karmic pattern and this as a woman of honor, I feel it's in me to help restore his faith in knowing not all women hate him. I'm actually incapable of hate, trust me, it's been proven. So if he can trust his gut saying I'm a friendly not a predator, he may heal from the crimes of other women against him, that will encourage him to heal knowing he's worthy of it.
I'm legitimately a messenger of God Mother and God Father on a Holy mission of equilibrium. If it's coming from me, it's actually getting passed on from further up really long distance. He may need to have his first psychic vision to grasp that though, and then it's walking him through what healing can set off in the most beautifully intense way not to fear or fight.
It's clearing the connection to his higher power he leans on if he's a recovering alcoholic in AA. If he ever felt lost or confused, he'll find his sense of direction and things will start clicking in to place and things will make sense in such a way they relax and trust the process of progress.
He could come to find I'm on to something and didn't steer him wrong as someone that wants to be his genuine friend first before anything else. And he sees I'm his 'God's promised Queen of Flowers' as my name implies I may be God's gift to him as a man.
I wouldn't say Eve to replace Lilith. But I am one of St. Mary Magdalene Grrrls, that showed she was worthy to be one of God's daughter-in-laws and her womb deemed pure to carry one of their Holy Grandchildren. AND NO WHERE DOES IT SAY SHE WAS A PROSTITUTE!!! If anything, it comes off she was ganged raped by the very men that accused her, adding more insult to injury.
Chuy showed what a true evolved gentleman would do for anyone getting punked. I take after him too and he likes me as I am without pressuring me to submit to the notion I must beg him for my salvation when he knows I've been safe all along. And whatever saving there was, was the Divine Intervention to defend me from the psychic attacks aimed at me since I had a run in with my abusive ex-husband from another lifetime revert back to his hatred of me disobeying him in this life time again, that actually went warlock in this lifetime as well. And oh boy, did I p*ss in his Cheerios. I've been empowered and he knows it even as he fights it. His problem, not mine. Like, tripout!
I have no problem with him having female friends that are genuine and a positive influence on him that keeps him balanced by offering their feminine perspective, heck they would be who to turn to for advice when it comes to understanding me and being there for me when I start attending rape survivors support group since I will need extra TLC while I adjust with the rape dreams I'll get listening to other survivors tell their stories.
And I'll have anxiety that may make it difficult to have sex to where it's probably a good idea we keep it at making love over experimenting that I am open to, but when we're solid and I haven't started attending group yet. I'll be fine once I have the breakthroughs I needed to be at peace with the violation that part of me already is there because I feel better me the writer that can express myself, than another that struggles speaking up.
I won't allow as Heaven won't either, my trauma be in vain and I understand I did sign on for the experience past cause and consequence as my pre-birth soul contract life assignment. It would be in my nature to take one for 'the team' when it comes to first-hand experience that would have prepared me to help out those not as strong as I'm told I am, YET! I sincerely believe in that 'yet' for them.
My potential future hunny bunny hot stuff being violated possibly by what I'm sensing was sexual experimentation gone wrong, what comes to mind is my old life where I wanted to protect them because I was physically stronger and probably seen them as a damsel in distress to be their 'white knight' to, especially if they were petite, as I was described by my friend I tranced out telling a story and seen me as a 6'2" tall corn-fed country boy build like a brick house, with the same coloring my Clairvoyant friend described the man she seen me as I look now being love-dovey with.
I asked my pendulum, she seen my old me with me, who I'll cross paths with won't look like that. All she got before she got sick and needed to rest while I needed a psychic break too, since we cycle like that from syncing up as part of the same soulmate family where turns out I was a Medicine (Wo)Man/Shaman over here and High Priestess, which I was able to trace back to the Celtic islands, leaning more towards Scotland. I also was a Nun back in France; was he works in construction.
The irony is in Pauley's Tavern And Pool Hall, the leading man played by "Mikey" works in construction, carpentry in particular because my dad was a Carpenter, besides knew everything else a Contractor would know, but was a Machinist by trade and is a hands-on training taught Engineer. He's pretty handy with knots, farming/gardening, sewing, working with farm animals too, and cooks amazing, besides has a beautiful singing voice and is an artist that worked with a few mediums. I take a lot after him, especially with my IQ his Machinist's brain passed down to me
This detail of Mikey's was established back in 2011 and have friends that can vouch for me as the truth. I almost wonder if I was predicting elements of my future potential mate to later find uncanny.
I thought I ran across the person she predicted along with the one a family Gypsy friend prophesied I'd marry back when I was 14 before everything came crashing down and I was date raped the first time and then blamed for my grandmother's death claiming the shock of my rape killed her.
She told my mom I would suffer a lot in life, but in the end, it will be worth it and I would marry my true love in a Church. She kept that to herself when she read my cards like she was told to by her Spirit Guide based on her body language which I've experienced as a reader myself where I have to keep part of what I read to myself to not stress out the person and had to word it in a way they won't stop living because I predicted something sad.
Like this is the month one of the psychics I read for testing me as a reader is going to have a miscarriage, that the other psychics that read for her spoke among themselves that included me because we were concerned for her mental state not accepting she's not in the right relationship or in the proper health to safely bring a child to full term. We all placed it in this month but I don't have the heart to check if all our predictions came to pass.
Point is in order to fulfill my destiny where it will be worth it in the end, I had to survive first to reach that point. What happened to me was all set up for me to catch up with because I did think back on the domino effect of a chain reaction that if things didn't happen EXACTLY as they did, I wouldn't have the life experience and earned wisdom to write from the heart like I was designed to and it was asked of me.
And if things weren't set in motion as it was planed cosmically, I wouldn't reach the point where I am with the potential I have to create my fortune from the ground up as my material reward but the true reward is in the act of how I will earn it, which I got was from my efforts of nobility as an Advocate to those that can use one to help them heal.
Her reading planted a seed I had to explore through trial and error to where now it makes sense that if one thing didn't lead me to another, and what I learned along the way wasn't learned, I wouldn't know my children as they are where I can't d*mn their fathers because if it wasn't for them, my children wouldn't be born who they were meant to be as they play their roles in the Universe's plans for them and the ones they are part of for others.
For instance, if it wasn't for a friend I had I cut ties with setting me off into mania from their irresponsibility as my IHSS provider, I wouldn't have ended up back at the hospital last year to cross paths again with the catalyst that affected change in my world as a recovering alcoholic and addict that did learn my lesson.
Them cutting ties with toxic folks he considered 'friends' before they abandoned him when the party was over and I take it he ran out of money for them to party with as it felt like his loneliness was hoping that paying for their drinks buys him friendships, which is more common than one should beat themselves over with regret.
I cut ties with that friend that is an alcoholic and drug addict that disrespected me and my home when she would pull out her little baggies with God knows what but she said her "friend" gave it to her which in my opinion is no friend at all.
And as an addict actually in recovery, she thought it would be harmless not thinking I care about not relapsing while she refuses to get help but tries to play off they are on a "mission from God to help others" as they feel "God" called on them to be a "leader" when they can't even lead themselves to AA or NA; is combative when she's manic since she's bipolar too but was functioning better than what I was.
But would have what she called "nervous breakdowns" that she "recovers" from in a couple of days and folks are giving her attention of sympathy like she seeks and hides behind, and jumped up my a** when I called her out by clarifying if it truly was a "mental breakdown" it wouldn't just take a couple of days to get over it. She's never recovered from the first and I was the objective friend that observed it.
She was just full of sh*t and herself. And she asked me to write her "autobiography" where I am like, open a friggen dictionary to spell check while you're at it! You can Google it from the same phone you can't be separated from as you goof off when you should be focused on being a woman of your word!
So I agreed I'd be her BIOgrapher, which bit her in the a** because not only do I know a lot of her secrets, I witnessed her behavior first hand and she is cruising for a cosmic brusin' I don't need to sugar coat since she makes her proclamations in her texted in towers of terror with no paragraph structure besides text speak of someone rip that cell phone weapon of mass destruction out of her hands for the sake of peace for the world. The chip on her shoulder gets high and mighty SCREAMING ALL THE WAY DOWN she doesn't need anyone, and if you don't love her, you can go f*ck yourselves; but yet she genuinely believes she was cut out to lead with an attitude of that.
She's unstable and has hallucinations that freak her out and her former mates tried to help her but she flips on them when they try to get her help at the psych hospitals that kick them all out because she fights them and is a danger to the staff and other patients; and they break up, but she doesn't heal, but somehow she has the psychic gift to "heal" others.
She treats her frienemies she complained about to me on my time while playing with her phone to where her claim of leaving my home "spotless" is complete utter delusion on her part; better than me she claimed her life missed after I distanced myself, which came after her trying to obliterate me in her manic texting that lights up my phone that I know better that to read anything she says when she's in a mood.
Because she's stunted and treats me she claimed loved as a genuine friend crappy when the same friends she complains about but still parties with snorting sh*t up her nose and drinking hard on an empty stomach with them, since she also has an eating disorder and is vain where she has to seek validation with the number of sexpot selfies where she inspired my punx song "Self-Worth By Selfies".
Where she's not even a tattoo artist anymore but a fun times party girl to hit on crudely, but it's attention! That has a horrible temper, is flighty, flaky, and so tore up from the floor up out of whack with her priorities, the kindred spirit I came to call "The Pixie King" based on how whimsical he looked fidgeting in the patio chair his thin frame made it look bigger like a throne; helped me see I was better off without her, to where not even for free ink she messed up that I should have sued her for since I didn't sign a release of liability, but I let it slide; would I tolerate her abuse where she treated me like an abusive mate and we were just friends!
Getting paranoid with me, accusing me of lying to her to where I rewarded her behavior to shut her the f*ck up when I took a picture of my appointment card proving I did, in fact, have a therapy appointment that day.
She is the type if you don't respond right away to her insistent texting lighting up, she starts accusing that you're being "unfair" towards her sounding so self-entitled it's unbecoming; and I'm like, I want a divorce from this unstable psycho I'm done with.
Took me dumping her as a friend 3 times but my compassion kept taking her back because I thought my love can help her heal. Then she burns me over money, and I'm the unreasonable one while she's still a "leader" on a "mission" from "God"?
The only real thing she lead me to that was worth anything, in the end, was dropping the ball so severely I ended up back at the psych ward, which I appreciate because of meeting my next catalyst was worth all her bullsheeit because it set off an illumination storm of ideas inspired to do good things. And according to my readings, we crossed paths the first time on our first time there that our exes I'm thinking both drove us to seek refuge; so there was symmetry I thought was evidence of being part of the same soul mate family cluster.
I don't hate her, but I know her enough I was done and she chose the friends handing her drugs that also are the very same ones cursing her with witchcraft when it's not other women she shaken her barely covered toosh and low cut top showing her breast implants that make her look dis-proportioned at 4'9" frame in hooker heels, in their love interest's faces because she has a need to be the center of attention. It's blatant where she gets it from and who is the complete opposite that distanced themselves.
She's the type that needs men to lust after her to feel special which is why she hasn't had a single healthy romance in her life and won't ever have one until she mellows the f*ck out and starts acting like a lady to respect, not add to the spank banks of thousands of guys she has no clue who they are but they sure know her antics to nut on with all her selfies trying to play off as a "dream girl pin-up"; that I'm like get a better wardrobe and photographer because you look cheap and generic. Show some pride in the art of being an actual pin-up men will love not just lust after. That's Bettie Page 101, rookie, look her up.
I wonder if that's the M.O. of the diva ex-girlfriend I sensed is an issue still for the good guy cool dude I'm meant to be with.
I studied our women's circle group pictures and her body language, and it's pretty obvious she wants all the glory without the commitment. It was so bad with her egocentricity demanding she be viewed as the "leader" she claims God "chose" to "help others" when their life is a mess, she inspired this gem: "Do not ask me to follow if you are no one to lead."
This evolved to me wanting to make it part of my welcome speech for my Incorporated business employees I want to treat like Costco Wholesale's code of ethics trained me, like the ones the Senior Drill Instructors give to the Marine recruits on their first day at basic, "Do not follow me if I am no one to lead."
Notice the difference?
Well, I was glad to make the exchange where I lose her intentionally and stick with it and keep the memories of the kindred spirit that didn't wrong me even if he ghosted me on our plans to meet up to go hiking since it grounds me too like him, instead. I feel gratitude for helping influencing my progression and stoking of my inner light she seemed like she resented if she treated me in a way she didn't care if her issues would extinguish it.
He had to do what was best for him and he was following his gut about me. I understand his gift was to trigger inspiration, but I don't think whatever gift I had for him through my words, registered so best I could do is say a prayer for him and pick up the pieces of disappointment he wasn't who I hoped I finally met from how unusually calm I felt in his presence and how precise synchronicity was set off.
But the odd and sobering feeling that came over me where I was eerily calm at the possibility that if it did work out with him, she treated me in such a frienemy way with being passive aggressive calling me her "mentor" one moment then "immature" the next when I'm not doing sh*t to deserve that criticism; I knew not to trust she would act respectable and loyal to our friendship after meeting him.
Because I know she would be attracted to his major amount of ink and I wouldn't blame him if she did seduce him because she is pretty aggressive when she wants something and my gut was telling me dating someone would have brought out the possessive in her anyway like she was my former mate in another lifetime and hasn't let go and accept I'm not her girlfriend to boss around in this lifetime either.
And then go passive aggressive where she feels she needs to reclaim her worth as an "alpha" by having the boyfriend every other woman wants but she has while they get her sloppy seconds when her ADHD looks for another guy to hook until they leave her too for the last time. Meaning she needs to keep me beta to her to feel she's anything special because I am and I don't have to strip down and pose like a floozy to be admired or tolerate sexual harassment in crass and demeaning statements that aren't positive attention at all, but to each their own.
It's sad I concluded that, but it didn't come from nowhere. Its what got her cursed by I lost count how many women, and jilted lovers. I offered to help her get a cleansing and karmic tie-breaking since she needs it badly and my predictions plus cross-readings I traded for with a Clairvoyant and Lucumi Priest, she's going to burn yet someone else over money, but this person isn't anywhere near as nice as I rather be, and will go for blood. If she thought she struggled to make ends meet now, there's more incoming. Duck.
And after more drama she will feel very alone and abandoned to where her mental illness will get worse and she'll be stupid enough to kill herself too which isn't as stupid as it is her having demons on her she welcomed into her life when she messed around with black magic.
It got as far as her then Catholic boyfriend had to take her in for an exorcism she botched by not following the instructions given to her. So she's been marked and is too proud to think she's done any wrong doing to where I already got she'll accuse me of cursing her showing yet again she doesn't know me and is too blind to see she's mistreating the one person willing to help her after she gives me the money she owes me, plus double for the help where before it wouldn't cost her anything because we were friends and I cared about her surviving to old age.
But because she burned me, it's business where kissing my a** and making amends would help, but I already wrote her off my taxes so whatevs, she's on her own to save her own hide.
Now my comfort is if she kills herself, it looks like her suicide would be forgiven and as a Spirit she can watch out for her children with the abilities afforded to her in that form. And that she will feel the serenity in death she couldn't find when she was alive; and we'll meet back up in the afterlife where I may not be serene enough yet not to want to old fashion sock her in the face before I hug her. And if God Mother and Father think I earned it, it would f*cking hurt to where being dead didn't spare her that pain. We'll laugh about it after, it will be great, looking forward to it already!
The love for my soul sibling she is is there, but I love me and my world more and she was bringing me down along with all her friends she introduced me to that I dumped when I was done with how they treated me when they claimed they were true blue friends that had my back after I had theirs. Thanks, but no thanks, I moved on as did the men they complained about did too from them.
The Universe made it to where she was removed in order for me to move forward and I accepted my intuition knew as my Guides backed it, she wouldn't be the friend she claims she is when it came to him if we did date. If we dated and she seduced him, I would have cut ties with him and seal off.
My karma is moving on while his is his to worry about, not mine. Like I told him about the reaction of someone it became complicated with that told him they traumatized them, he's not responsible for it.
They have the free will choice to respond how they may, all he's responsible for was to make the effort to make amends which in their case was paying back the money he considered a loan and not the hand out she tied emotional expectations to in a way she wanted his loyalty to her belief he's the one to make her happy and feel whole.
She was codependent too and though well meaning, her intention was to buy his love and loyalty by being his financial benefactor which he didn't want her to be. She insisted and he warned her he couldn't give her what she was asking of him.
So in their case, he tried to do the honorable thing and it was her issues with loving herself first over seeking him and others to complete her. that caused the trauma she blamed him for since I sensed no act of malice on his part and I hope he figures that out one day since he was beating himself up over it too.
I'd walk away and that's it. Everything I brought to the table and he betrayed, I take back and cut my losses. But I would say a prayer for him not to die over it by drowning his sorrow at me going away too. I know I'm intense so feeling it missing could drive him towards shutting down and not caring if he lives or dies.
And if I cared about him like I knew I would, I would have honestly cried if he died by suicide too and would pray for them to heal in death what they couldn't heal while they were alive, and hope to see him again after I return back home like he would.
With hers it would be worse because we were "friends". I didn't pick up he would be a player but weak yes, because she is attractive, has the ink and is promiscuous in her outfit choices to where I've been embarrassed to be seen next to her, especially when she wouldn't wear a bra and her nipple rings would show that I don't trust anyone with extreme piercings as stable when it comes to what they consider their sex body parts. It's a cruel reality to admit but not malicious, just straight up aware of who I was dealing with.
Now the next dude that may feel even all this TMI isn't bad at all but insightful of my thought process as well as sharing concepts that may be new but all interesting for the complexities showing there's more to me than just looking cute on a good hair and make up days. Perhaps they'll sense I'm not in any popularity contest as others driving themselves mad and rotten in character are.
It's too much wasted effort listening to the pressure to keep up appearances in order not to lose favor, and then recoil when the attention and a** kissing stops from no longer being a novelty to raise and then drop with no concern of their feelings getting butthurt because they became boring, outdated and used up.
I'm fine eating alone without a clique. I'm fine figuring myself out without BFF's to air kiss. I have gotten by without much in moral support, but when I do get it, it's from those I'm proud and appreciate being able to call my friends as they feel the same about me.
But I intentionally keep a small circle of close friends because that sh*tty friend I described is a social butterfly calling people "sweetie" and then flips on them, to where there's the big gaping question of who is she even loyal to beyond her kids that will bury their mother that will kill herself before meeting her grandchildren?
So I'm secure in forming my own opinions that would judge me as a good person of conviction and integrity, or a psycho that's long winded high on principle but low in talent that won't ever find an audience that would stay awake long enough to finish this or my other stories though I have been published, with good reviews wanting the story to continue. I will be starting to upload on Watt-app where folks purposely log in to read to start canvasing
I signed up for publishing opportunities I haven't tapped yet and this chapter along with the previous are helping tell s story with a moral as to why I embrace "The Future's Open Wide". I got nothing to hide and the dirty little secrets of abusive types I don't know I'll be informed of by the Universe that wants me to know them for a reason.
Usually it's to call someone out and defend who they pick on, and when I know them, it's turning them into a parable in my book to remember their contribution to my emotional development as well as wisdom earning; where at the end of each of their chapters I make the point I don't hate them.
But they won't be notified of my funeral since I don't care for them to pay whatever last "respects" they may think they have because they disrespected me while I was alive after I never wronged them but they sure treated me like I did, in order to make it easier to hate me for seeing them as they truly are; not the liars wearing masks fooling the world they don't know they have horrible personalities in need of spiritual intervention I won't be providing.
They got a direct line to whichever version of God the either love, fear, or both; to beg for it and hopefully they'd get smart and accept the help in whatever form their take on God decides would be in their best interest whether they like it or not. Tough sh*t, God's in charge. Step up or sit the f*ck down and learn from the errors of your old ways if your free will wants it bad enough.
My karma is moving on and there's is no longer counting on me to defend them as an ally they proved they were not. So to close...
I'm cool helping out those that the Universe tells me why it would be beneficial for their sense of inner peace to be kind to them, as they also have a message for me as their gift of crossing paths. But those that the Universe wants me to stay away from, especially if they aim to cut me up with destructive criticism meant to trip me up maliciously, I'll be guided to blow off.
But when it comes to injustice that as a Virgo/Libra cusp with a White Knight streak I have a total disdain for, I'll be called up to help clarify things for the ones getting messed with. And it is often times a thankless job, but I'm not seeking glory and prestige to make me feel better about my honesty at times being brutal out of necessity, not malice.
It's like in some warrior cultures after you conquer an enemy, you slice yourself with your own sword to mark each life you ended with it; to carry with you the shame you rather be burdened by so others not as strong have to.
And in the exchange of this nobility to spare others mental anguish they don't have it in them to survive; is the comfort they saved more lives that their sense of duty to the whole had to end in order to protect it and the objective of survival; though in my case it's 'The Peace Keeper's War' I was born to fight spiritually and was trusted to handle the gift of 'emotional stigmata' so I can help identify it in other psychics that don't know they are but were meant to be.
And as a group effort of activated Light Workers we're called in for damage control during the stressful times up ahead where being calm, level headed, prepared, and confident will make the difference to those we intervene in time to save with protecting the children as our top priority.
We're the misfits the prophet Mr. Fred Rogers described and left a message of hope for children to look for "The Helpers" when everything is going wrong and they're scared. And yes, it's very intense but better me than you, trust me.
By the end of the day I just want to be able to look at my reflection in the mirror I don't make love to, and love the strong individual I had to become; and be proud I survived another day where I didn't cause the damage to others that has been caused to me.
If I don't have at least that, there's no point in bothering to stay alive. I'm already half dead if I don't have any integrity to my name which matters more to me than fame and fortune that the egocentric seek. If I get famous what helped me build my fortune the honest way with no sugar daddies, or rich family, or winning the lottery, or cheating others, or exploiting them to make that happen, it was because of my integrity.
The same integrity the Saints praised in a consultation with Elegua that I thank for liking me as I am and encourages me to rebound and make up for lost time in dispair with all the blessings he and the other Gods have sent me because to them, I was worthy of investing in and they know they'll get a high yield return on their guidance I'm good on.
It's just tough sometimes to be surrounded by so much love I can't hug or see who's showing it unless it's in a dream vision because they're dead or Divine. So there y'all go! More memoirs of a future All American modern saint in the making!
I'd like to shut off now, please?
