"I Wonder..."
Part II
The Hot Crazy Matrix
Click On Link To Refresh Why I'm Rambling In Good Balanced Spirits
By L.G.Flores
Hey you’re back!
Now to continue... I have experience being the cool chick guys talk with that say to me what they can't say to other guys, their families or even their own girlfriends/wives, like the time I had to reassure a friend that his penis was not small. That's one of the stories that went away when I deleted my RW account.
Basically what happened was, my friend stationed far away, his wife and him need couples counseling or talk to base legal about a dissolution of marriage. They get in to an argument, things are said, then out of left field like it was with my sister, his old lady hits him below the belt by saying he has a small dick. He thought it would be gay to ask his buddies to size him up, even with the Docs. I told him to get a dollar bill, take care of business away from the camera, and then when he was standing up at attention, I'll do the short arm inspection. He used a 20 dollar bill instead, good for him! I think that dollar was all I had, besides pennies.
The comparison was made side by side, I look at my dollar bill; he's average. I also told him his dick was big enough to get her pregnant, and to consider that when she went there, she was grasping at straws and didn't know to walk away and cool off before getting stupid with shit like that. I don't like my children's fathers, but talking smack about a dude's junk isn't cool, or my style. Just like men have made me feel inadequate for my body that continues to evolve, that minority shouldn't have the loudest voice. I don't care to do on to others what has been done to me, or just be a jerk in general and make a male pay for whatever else is my malfunction on top of disagreeing with him.
I think if I was considered a Chaplain of sorts, women may not feel as threatened with their male mates turning to me for counsel. If anything I would recommend to say to their mates the truth that something bothered them so much, or they are concerned on the verge of worrying, or they don't know what to do in certain situations, but they are seeking help and spoke to "Chaps" that told them about counseling with a psychologist, and “Chaps” broke it down to know what to expect so the issue can be dealt with. But I would think if bullshit is bullshit, I won't just raise the flag again, I'll put a shit load of spot lights on it, and get the bullhorn out and express something that would make certain women feel threatened, and it has nothing to do with my looks or crazy.
This is where I wonder if I could figure out how to be diplomatic about it and identify solutions for the sake of harmony. If a chick is being a jerk, and I do mean jerk because bitch isn't enough to actually contain the fucked up that doesn't matter what gender, it's been done and someone experienced pain out of that fucked up.
I'm not supposed to tell a guy what to do if I was a peer counselor. I wouldn't be a good woman of the cloth if I told a guy what to do either when it comes to their counterparts. And in sister culture, again I am not supposed to tell a man something that would go against another female directly, because that one is an unwritten rule many females don't give a fuck about anyways. But like I said, jerk, I've been known to tell men to consider their options, especially when children are involved, and seek legal counsel to protect their parental rights, so their ex can’t use their child(ren) for emotional blackmail.
Yes I'm a mother that got screwed by my kids' dads that forced me out while I was down, so my children are being denied knowing my love as their real mother. However it is sexist to continue giving mothers favoritism when it comes to custody and visitation of children, when there ARE fathers that love their children just as much, and may in fact be better suited to raise the child(ren) primarily, and the mother have visitation. Nothing says visitation has to be only two weekends a month. Folks tend to go in to panic mode when they hear they are the visiting parent. Women/Mothers may not be best suited when the judge makes their decision on the custody/visitation portion -- that round -- but again nothing says these mothers can't make themselves well suited for the 180 degrees, if that should be the case.
Ideally the adults get over themselves and work it out so their children can be spared the animosity and see both their parents equally even if it has to be through video chat and correspondance. In some cases it is just not probable for the adults to work together and cooperate to set a positive example to their spawn; and it becomes a tug of war for the sake of spite, not so much the welfare of their little ones.
However I have asked the same men facing custody/visitation issues, to see that these women are still the mothers of their children and to open their minds to call a truce once the shit storm that raged died down and tempers mellowed. I know it's crazy to think exes that were at each others' throats, could commit to a truce for the sake of their children's childhoods. However I know one crazier bitch than I that isn't stable, stable yet; get along with the father of her children and they are very chill when it comes to them. Once a month they do a family activity since divorcing didn't stop both of them being part of their children's family.
They are a funky kool example of "co-parenting". They are clear that the romance has been dead for years, but being allies is better for their children and they understood that with maturity. And I met her children and love them dearly, I could say with confidence that they are better adjusted than most children of other parents that bicker and call each other "babymama" or "babydaddy".
So dislike that these two words joined the idiom of American thought. I met some "babydaddys" that call the single mother that is raising their child(ren) without much financial or emotional support, "babymamas". Those “babydaddys” were not ready to be fathers and yet they still had unprotected sex with women they weren't all that sure about, to establish a sturdy foundation to bring a child in, with confidence. And these women didn’t anticipate they’d be on their own. That can be a hardship on her sanity without much for a break so they can focus on taking care of themselves too. I am friends with a single mom that cannot count on her children's father to step up and be a parent to his children, rather than be a technicality aka "Sperm Donor". His children pretty much don't expect him to be reliable. That is sad because it doesn't have to be that way.
I also have met "babymamas" like my own sister that has been known to contrast my medicated and in therapy ass. She was ready to cause a scene where her ex husband's then girlfriend, worked and go on about shit I couldn't keep track of. I'm not sure if home wrecker was added to the list of what to call her, but she was fuming long after they stopped living together, and she thought God was punishing her. The way she said it too, she should have taken theater back in school. No really. If she was able to harness the drama queen element to her persona, she could be getting standing ovations. She’s content where she’s at career wise, so good for her too!
Now his then girlfriend is his wife now and the mother of my sister's children's half sibling. The most I've heard about my sister's children's stepmother is that she is very possessive, jealous, and has conniptions. My former brother-in-law married a new version of my sister, but he's happier and she's moved on as well, so they both got lucky. I’m lucky in other ways.
But yes, I have heard many horror stories of “babymamas” that lose all sense of dignity and go after the new girl of their ex. Just like “babydaddys” do it too; these chicks will stalk, and typically on the internet and the blocking features sometimes are not enough to prevent harassment. These women need to accept that letting go of the rage even if "calm" and focus on their own lives away from their ex, is a wiser option. Dang it that just added more to this sermon!
*sigh*
If someone is an "ex" it's for a reason. Yes this reason varies as does the amount of blame surrounding it. Furby and I were not a couple, other than idiots. I'm on the rebound from breaking up with my daughter's father and things were wonky with me. He, I'm not sure what his excuse was for not being able to use self control when one of our co-workers that helped me get through my breakup with her kindness and wisdom, told him not to go there and have sex with me, I was vulnerable still, not thinking very straight. She knew I couldn't handle that sort of relationship which is why it's called a rebound period post break-ups. It was too soon. I didn't know him all that well. I was spinning out from all the changes and I was reactive. I knew this, but loneliness is a bad adviser and I was attracted to him.
He's the reason I learned this from my surrogate Jewish mother that was my therapist, that didn't get to have children, and that caused her to lose a bit of objectivity with me as her patient. That's very important to keep in mind. I do miss her though and plan to look her up to send greetings since we were on a hugging basis.
Anyways, I was obsessed with getting over him and everything else; not knowing what there still was ahead. She said "Cute doesn't mean Good." because I was stuck longer than what was convenient, on a guy that didn't pull out and also kept going because he didn't lose his erection. I still remember him saying that his next girlfriend will love our baby too. Yeah. I was his “babymama” in his head already and I wasn't even the ex-girlfriend to replace! I was just the needy lost puppy he should have had more discipline and not go there like our co-worker advised.
I dodged a bullet with him too because 20/20 Hindsight showed a “babydaddy” is pretty much all he's capable of being if he didn’t grow past this since he has or had, fucked if I really knew him well enough, detachment issues that stem from his relationship with his father. Prior to his death, where it was too late to take back words Furbs said to him in anger, and instead of an apology, his father took listening to his son's angry final words to him, to his grave. He was also a grasshopper personality like Spooner that I was saddened when he called his child's mother, "babymama". It made me think that's what I am to my children's fathers too, and lost all respect for her as the mother of his child.
He said he had "babymama drama", I learned that one from him. It did make me wonder what it was being I knew him long enough to have noticed certain things. I did wonder if he could find or has found someone suitable to be his child's stepmother figure since he was listing himself on dating sites. It seemed like he wanted to start over, but the issues between his child's mother and he, affected him and he didn't have the "Idiot's Guide" for that. Like Furby, I noticed the one foot in and one foot out, and being aware of where all the exits are if he needs to implement his backup plan for an escape route. It takes one to know one.
We weren't a couple either, and like my friendship with Furby, my friendship with Spooner also had an end, but serendipity keeps happening and I happen to be at the exact right place and time to know a little bit more of why he really crossed my path and left such the impression he did. More proof I'm crazy for getting Pauley's out of my experience with him, but more so writing again which is what Furby accomplished by becoming my unintended muse, when I was dying before in a dysfunctional engagement.
I was told by a fellow co-worker and friend I was closer to that if the letter I wrote Furby to let him know I was becoming very fond of him; was written for him, after I read it out loud asking for his opinion, he'd ask me to marry him. I recall Furby being touched and reaching for my hand when it was his turn to listen to me read what I had to say about what I felt thinking of him.
He seemed just as touched when I hand sewn a Corps EGA patch on a beanie with a secret pocket sewn in the inside that held a scrap of paper I kissed and written on it with other words I've forgotten, "My Beloved", he took that note out in front of me and put it in his wallet, I'm sure that gift along with the quarter that was tucked under the patch as a token of reassurance, was doomed to the landfill. It was of the year he was born that I forget which along with his birthday, but that coin had survived like him that long (at the time) then that meant both were tough and can withstand more.
I kissed the paper as if I was kissing his forehead for peace of mind when he was doubting himself again. I remember he's a Cancer. He sure acts like one guarded with his emotions and he tends to retreat rather than face head on what is the issue so it can be handled done. I guess I wasn't his girlfriend because I was more the fluke that was unlikely to get close enough to vent some of his hurt. I actually felt sympathy for him with his break-up. I was nostalgic about “The Hip-Hopper & The Goth. The Raver & The Punx”, and nothing more.
He seemed happy when someone thought it was a good idea to show me pictures of the new couple together being lovey dovey. It was the true reality that I should not deny myself for it did lead to freedom, even if I had to pit stop in 29 to become “Babymama Part II”. At least my stepson's mom and I got along. Sadly though, because I did/do care(d) about her child and her, she said I was more father to her son than what his own father was. I get along with my daughter's father's 1st wife, mother of his eldest children, also.
I was considered wife #2 but technically my daughter's stepmother is his 2nd legal wife, and I have not heard much good said about her; and as a fellow mom, she has made no efforts to be cool with me. Her loss because I'm told I'm a great friend, and if we get along, it is better for my child she is stepmother to. Her not wanting this doesn't exactly show me she cares and loves my child the same as her own children. What the fuck does that say about her? Because my daughter has expressed she doesn’t get the same amount of affection as her step siblings do. Not cool at all.
The guy you may have forgotten about that started this sermon/rant/blog/vent... He failed to include where exes that become friends with other exes, place in his chart. If men are to benefit from his lesson in break down, he should have included there are “crazy/hot” women that a guy can feel safer in “The Dating Zone” one that leads up to “The Wife Zone”; but if he fucks up bad while in the dating zone, worse yet in the wife zone with his choice of mate; the chicks prior tend to find each other and trade stories. If they had children from the same man, their children connect these women to each other, and their children connect with other children to be what is called a “Blended Family”, even after the break-up. You don't break-up with children. You may have to love them from a distance, but you don’t break up with children.
In the case of Maj. Dipshit, a group of his former conquests somehow found each other and ganged up in a gacho way. What was so “gacho” which means fucked up in Spanish slang?
The gut feeling something was wrong and serendipity again being what it is, the friend I was hanging out with, before he became a Corpsman, he was learning to be a private investigator. I tell him about the Maj. and how I Googled his email address, whereas before it was just his name, to know of him. He hurt me, but I was a glutton for mental pain and anguish for it was familiar, and the door wasn't as closed as we both had thought. Doc asked me if I clicked on cache. I didn’t know what the fuck that was.
Doc traced the trail left behind by these women on Yahoo 360 to let you know how long ago this was. It leads to a fake profile, stating his full name and rank, besides unit information. In the bio they described him as a swinger that goes both ways, along with some other funky stuff. They contact random profiles propositioning for sex. They also contacted a disk jockey that was all about exposing government corruption.
Some of the contacted at first were disgusted and thought it was disgraceful and shameless what this officer was doing. Then Doc and I kept reading and a guy that first was part of the jeers in the online crowd, he took a longer look at this phony profile. He gave words of support seeing that it was some psycho chicks out for blood. The chicks were dumb enough to friend themselves to that profile, and the ring leader there was no mistaking because her mom was part of the lynch mob. It also looked like money was on these women's minds, I printed out as much as I could and even though he treated me like shit, two wrongs don't make a right. What these women did was not avenging getting humped and dumped by a playboy officer; they wanted to crucify him for not picking them to settle down with and make one of them “An Officer’s Wife” that gets to wear his rank.
As a love interest, he needed to grow the fuck up, but we were friends once and I guess I was in “Unicorn” mode, I helped him out because it was defamation of character and the UCMJ you don't fuck around with if you want to keep your "Good Cookie" ribbon aka "I haven't been caught" ribbon. I contacted the admin at Yahoo 360 to report the profile that shouldn't have been able to make it past what the TOS (Terms Of Service) said, shows how much attention they paid to it themselves. The profile was removed and I'm not sure what happen to the women, but Doc agreed they had evil in their eyes, especially the ring leader that had a total Princess Persona as her mother had Dragon Lady all over her. She was a rich brat that got butthurt the fucking Maj. dumped her too.
I did wonder about how quickly would they back stab each other since there was no honor anywhere near them for the stunt they pulled. The old saying about honor among thieves, well the ring leader fucked up by typing out what came off to both Doc and I as "You got to pay, but if you say you're sorry, all is forgiven and we can be together again." AS IF!!!
I email him to tell him what I found and what I did with reporting the fake profile, and this time he replied. He thanked me after his tune changed and I could hear he choked up when we spoke on the phone, while he was manning up and apologizing for being a dick and hurting me like he did. I asked him if the envelope that had the Harley Davidson Motorcycle book I gave him as a belated B-Day gift, when we met after two years chatting online, through texts and phone calls, blah, blah; got to him okay. He forgot to take it, but he said he did get it and it was with his other books, on the shelf. I remember he seemed touched I gave him a book about one of his therapeutic hobbies. I also remember he was the type that has to get drunk in order to express his feelings of fondness. Someone told me there is a country song I think named, or it's in the chorus, sung by a woman that was crazy herself for turning a bad experience in to a hit single apparently; "Call Me When You're Sober".
What did those crazies exes do that got me to react with backing him up; even with our past being what it was and is?
Dudes (and dudettes too), be careful when you have webcam sex, and where in particular this online debauchery takes place. The person on the other end may not always have your best interest in mind, especially after a messy ending. That’s not a pun either.
He was a scoundrel when it came to the women he dates to have sex with, I actually picked up he's probably a sex addict that is hot and cold when it comes to his conscience. I knew as a "special friend" or bf, doubtful on husband, he was not right for me; but the way he studied my Norman Rockwell poster of "Rosie To The Rescue" that is an amazing painting, and I've even wrote a cadence song around that painting, that I dedicated to all the women in uniform that earned theirs through basic and being part of the fleet (I know Navy/Corps/Coast Guard, not Army/Air Force, but same fucking difference!) as actual service members.
I wanted to redirect the focus away from a woman looking "Hot" wearing a man's uniform for dress up time in pin-up like pictures if not mockeries that are sold as "Hoe-lloween" costumes worn by those strippers to watch out for; to a woman being a soldier (Happy?) that does want to pull her weight and be respected for her efforts and dedication to our Country.
She does not use manipulation to get ahead. Actually these are the crazies that volunteer to face head on the "Boy's Club" and all that comes attached from the sexism and sexual harassment; and in some cases, even rape by others also wearing the uniform they do. A lot of times it goes unreported and there is no justice, just one more person mindfucked by the violence of rape. However some of these crazies do get avenged through the UCMJ. Oh and males get sexually harassed also, so it's not specific to one gender, I want that to be clear. The dudes that expressed their experiences, the body language and their tone of voice didn’t come off as crying wolf. Thing is it’s a different feeling of violation for a guy. If he says he’s being harassed by a female, the thought is thought that he’s got no pair.
Well Maj. Dipshit I guess never seen that painting. He asks me about it, like what year it was painted. I guestimated right and said 1943 (May 29, 1943 it premiered on the cover of The Saturday Evening Post). The way he looked at her, who she was representing back when our entire Nation understood the Home Front will help get the fuck out of WWII, for a breather before Korea and "Frozen Chosin" that was forgettable to most, though M*A*S*H reruns with the 4077th did acknowledge it in pop culture.
He looked at her like he admired her. That was worth backing up and repeating the story where he showed he did have some honor to him and not all women were potential sex kittens. When we were friends he was very supportive about me enlisting in the Corps. We would have to fraternize off the clock, but I do remember when I told him that, he said he was proud of me. He had no reason to be proud of me since he didn't influence that decision, but it felt nice to be told wanting to be a Marine that was motarded Gung Ho, was to be proud worthy. I was too crazy even for the Marine Corps, but I sure did know how to make Marines bleed Scarlet and Gold, with how motivated I was with my tangents. And some of these were Staff NCO’s that were burning out, looking forward to their Twilights.
Thinking about it all again and the last 10 hours of typing this, I am too long winded to be anything else but a "Madre" (Padre/Father/Priest but feminine and no I'm not a tranny!). I'd have to contain my sermons to about 5 minutes like the man in the video, or I get tuned out; though being long winded typing stories, even the parables without a single mention of sex or a F-Bomb, has found an audience that is very supportive and likes that I ask them to contribute to getting the idea out that "Therapy In Motion" does exist and it is working. I include them because without them, I really am just "talking" to myself.
Now to conclude! (Yeah right.)
I don't want to be ranked in a chart like the one presented, even if it was funny. No honestly it was which is why I wanted to share it, but I unintentionally started rolling and 10 hours later here I am adjusting to the food for thought, that my outer appearance is ranked from 1-10 as is my crazy. That just makes me think of a joke I read that was posted by someone in the Air Force online.
The joke was about "2-10-2" or something like that, I read that joke back in 2006/7. The breakdown was that a "2-10-2" is a female service member that is a "2" while her and the ones rating her, are not deployed to where the ratio of available women to men is extreme. Come time to deploy where it sucks, after a while that "2" starts looking good and some bank on that and good luck keeping your Good Cookie ribbons ladies *smiles*
Well after being hard up with little access to porn, nudey bars (strippers to watch out for 'member?), massage parlors, and alcohol period to numb the boredom... Rosie, Palmala and Fifi can only do so much and I heard a hilarious story about what it was that made half the Gator Freighter pop that my friend was on. What's funnier in a sad way, it still keeps happening to where it's a cliché. *face palm*
Well as I said, hard up and low and behold that "2" becomes the "10" and popular. Once the unit returns back to wherever is home for them, that "10" goes back to "2" because prettier alternatives are finally available. This is the type of humor that comes up with shit like doing a "Dirty Sanchez" and I'm sorry, I couldn't avoid the pun. Honest it was built in!
Another one I heard is "Butter Face". As in: "Man she's got a hot body but her face..."
Also "20 Footer". This is: "From 20 feet away she looks good." And then jokes about paper bags put over her head, *bleh*
The older I get and my body still evolving, I could hold MILF/GILF status for a while, but not forever. Eventually I'll be considered too much of a crone to want to touch sexually. I should say by males that are healthy enough to have intercourse with. In the film "The Sweetest Thing", Jason Bateman delivered the lines about women's breasts getting so saggy that he could use them as a belt and they can tuck them in to their socks. He said this after Aaron Eckhart cheers to being with the same woman for 50 years; to which he answers "That's really depressing."
I know it was part of the script to be funny and set up to "Fuck Grandma!", but it's based on actual opinions some men have about women that have aged. This is why a lot of women that "I gave the best years of my life to that asshole!" become depressed and bitter when after years of companionship, helping create a home to live in, not just a building that has a roof; and raising the children; she is considered obsolete and is traded in for a newer model.
Actually that makes me think of the original "Stepford Wives" film that did make me tear up, though the remake as a dark comedy, that hey! Glen Close is in that one too and plays a different sort of psycho; I did not expect that connection tonight, chyeah! She wasn't as creepy the second time around, but she did snap thanks to her husband she caught cheating with her assistant. She kills them both and yes that was a spoiler, but Frank Oz (Miss Piggy and Yoda's voices) directed it and it stands on its own quite well compared to its predecessor that was more than "Suspense" as Block Buster categorized it. I feel it should have been in the horror section instead. I think little boys that love their mothers would be frightened to what happened to the other mommy's in the movie. I think grown men that have felt emasculated or are just full of macho bravado bullshit, would like to move to Stepford.
In that movie "Unicorns" exist, but are devoid of any original thought, emotions, a soul. The only thing kept of the murdered women, was their eyes. Their own husbands were fine with the women they married dying as to harvest her eyes to implant in to their robot clones. The lead character when she discovers what her fate is, it was presented perfectly. Her husband asked that her clone have larger breasts, and I felt hurt for her. She was the "perfect wife" after her clone took her place. She never argued. She always catered to her husband's every whim, even sexually and she's programmed to moan like he's really giving it to her. She was a servant that never gets old, she remains just as "Hot" as when she was first activated. She won't leave her husband that does grow old and he's not healthy enough to have sex, making Viagra pointless for another bad pun. She wouldn't replace him, she's programmed not to.
That was the food for thought the late and great Mr. Frank Oz captured in his take. The question is asked basically to the one husband that had not turned his wife and mother to his children, in to a robot yet. It was over which version of her would he want to hear "I love you" from. There's a huge hole in the storyline after but it's forgivable.
"Unicorns" can exist but they evolve with both their “hot and crazy”.
Women with complexes such as mine that I'm working out, they need to see when they aren't being themselves when they try to force the point and make themselves dating and wife material to the men they convinced themselves are perfect for them. No guy is worth faking who you are in order to get, maybe keep too, his attention. This includes starvation diets, a fuck ton of plastic surgery, pressure to not be seen in public without hair and make-up done up, they walk on eggshells hoping they don't say or do the wrong thing that makes what they have surrendered so much power to, to be their happiness, displeased with them. Yeah it may work for a while, but being someone else under their own name is going to be who their ideal is accustomed to, not the real that isn't what these women insist is perfection.
I remember when Furby was trying to be polite when he asked me or told me, "You've gained weight huh?” His cheating ex-girlfriend has a frame that makes her look pixie-ish. I have the frame of the cheerleader at the bottom of the pyramid, holding up the smaller frames. I'm still a "cheerleader", but the big boned one that is stronger than what she looks to be. Let me take that back, I have naturally buff arms.
At work the joke was "You have a face of an angel, but the arms of a UPS truck loader." because I could lift 50lbs on my shoulder and walk from the back of the warehouse to the front end without a shopping cart that was hard to maneuver through the crowds, or there wasn't any shopping carts available. The lines to check out were long; it was a necessity to be strong as an assistant and even a clerk without one. However one male friend years after I left Costco Wholesale, told me to thin out my arms because they look like a dude's. I wasn't his girlfriend, so I dismissed his suggestion, but as a male friend he was telling me the truth that I needed to accept. My arms looking strong have made some guys feel uncomfortable, like something is wrong with them for being attracted to me, more so the inches of our biceps compared. They know I'm not a tranny, but how about the others seeing me with them?
It's eh and it's been 13 hours now that I've been typing.